People who are experiencing low self-esteem tend to be plagued by “hot thoughts” (distressingly negative ideas) about themselves. “Their minds do the reverse of what a press secretary would do for a politician: they spin things in a negative direction,” Keelan explains.
He encourages you to move toward “balanced thinking,” which shouldn’t be confused with trying to put a blindly positive spin on everything – despite what some self-help books tend to promote. Instead, it’s about considering the evidence for and against your self-critical thoughts.
“Typically, when you examine it, a hot thought is either not completely true or not true at all,” says Keelan. For example, suppose a friend stops calling you. If you find yourself thinking, “I’m not a lovable person,” you could look at whether that’s the most logical conclusion. It’s far more probable that you need to talk something through with your friend, that they’re busy and distracted or that you’re simply drifting apart because your lives are going in different directions.
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which is widely available both in person and online, can help with what Keelan calls the three Cs: catching, checking and changing unhelpful thoughts. A 2018 Psychiatry Research review found that even attending a one-day CBT workshop focused on self-esteem can make a small but meaningful difference.