Conversations are a two-way street. It doesn’t matter how good of a talker you are, if you can’t listen well enough. Take this chance to upgrade your listening skills once and for all.
Tip 1: Don’t take things personally
Are you getting offended? “Don’t take anything your partner says – especially when they’re angry or upset –personally,” says Lamb. “This is really difficult, especially when our partner is attacking, judging or criticising us. What makes it easier is when we focus on our partner rather than on ourselves.”
Tip 2: Take your partner seriously
“This may seem to contradict tip one, but the difference is important. However well or badly they’re expressing it, what your partner is saying is meaningful to them,” says Lamb. Take it seriously by focusing on what might be important to your partner that they’re trying to communicate to you. That way, you’re moving in the direction of closeness.”
Tip 3: Don’t try to solve their problem
Spoiler: You don’t have to solve every issue. “Your partner may, very rarely, invite you to do this, but mostly what they need is for you to understand and accept their feelings,” says Lamb. “To be able to sit with an unsolved problem is another situation which can make us feel uncomfortable, but that discomfort belongs with us rather than with our partner.”