You know the drill: A person is clearly bothered by something, but when you ask them what’s wrong, they shrug it off or say “nothing.” Why do some people keep their feelings bottled inside?
“It may be because they are themselves depressed or anxious. It may also be because they are scared of confronting a negative feeling or emotion and don’t have the right tools or coping skills for doing so,” says Dr Olulade. “This is why it’s important not to tell children to ‘just get on with it’ or ‘just get over it’ and to welcome their expression of both negative and positive emotion. It’s important to acknowledge, validate and listen to others’ feelings.”
Emotions are an important part of the human experience, says Dr Olulade. We can learn a lot from allowing people to express both positive and negative ones. “When we don’t allow others to express their negative feelings in a healthy way and when we don’t give them a safe outlet to do that – or when we say expressing sadness, anxiety or anger is ‘weak’ – this can have a harmful effect and lead people to behave in a passive-aggressive manner.”
Some people are less comfortable directly expressing their feelings, says Griffin. She recommends providing a safe space for your friend, partner, or co-worker to talk about what’s going on. “You could try saying, ‘It seems as if you’re upset and I want to make sure you’re OK.’”