According to clinical psychologist Marjorie Schuman, PhD, it’s essential to explore the motivations behind your need for control. “When you catch yourself in the act of being controlling, what are you reacting to? What is at stake?” she says. Perhaps you lost control somewhere in your life and it made you feel helpless, and you’re eager to avoid that feeling again; perhaps you feel weak or meek inside and are desperate to prove (even to yourself) that you’re actually strong; maybe you’re worried that if you’re less than perfect, you’ll be rejected or even abandoned; or perhaps you just crave the rewards that come with being recognised for your achievements. For some people, being controlling stems from a desire to feel superior – and there may be motivations to unpack there as well. Having a need for control is, in and of itself, an agitated state, Dr Schuman says, and taking the time to discover what’s behind the need will help you begin to conquer it.